i put line breaks until / it was a poem

You’ve never felt this way
Or you have
It doesn’t matter

Just like he was my sun and stars
And I was probably
Nice enough to have around sometimes

Occasionally an hour or so will pass
Rarely: some larger chunk of a busy day
Before he returns to the front of my mind
And when he does
I feel sick that for the previous hour
Or so
Or some larger chunk of a busy day (Rarely)
He wasn’t with me

Nevermind that for many months now
(Or maybe longer)
He hasn’t been with me
In any actual way
He only exists in the nostalgic fumes I breathe to stay alive
Or in clues I hate that I can’t avoid
Dropped like breadcrumbs on the pathways of the Internet I used to walk with him

Maybe you’re in love
Or not, but happy enough with someone
I’m glad for you
I mean it
(I think)
But I really don’t want to hear about it

Maybe your heart’s been broken too
And you’ve come back from it
Or you haven’t
And our shared pain can help us bond
But I don’t want it to
Your pain is yours and mine is mine
(What do you want from me?)

But if you’ve never been in love
Never felt your whole equilibrium toppled over
Never felt the tightness of your skin bursting at the seams to contain all that Feeling
Never closed your eyes to see the image of someone whom you simultaneously
Want
And want to be
Then
It’s you I want to hear from

I want to live vicariously through you
See the world through your non-puffy eyes
Feel the blood pumping through your untroubled heart
Perceive stimuli with an uncluttered mind
And put one foot in front of the other without stumbling under the impossible weight
Of Love